Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
