Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm just crazy horny about you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize