Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
