how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize