it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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