Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
