can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
