im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
