Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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