I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
