I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
