You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
