So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
