So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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