Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
