I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
