Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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