after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
