He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
