On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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