I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
