isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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