if i can run in heels then i can drive
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
