She is in my trunk
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
