True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
