if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
