my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
