Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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