My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
