I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
