I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
