You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
