and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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