She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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