yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
