Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
