since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
