everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
