i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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