Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.