Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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