her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
