farters have to be the big spoon...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
