Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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