Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
