All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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