Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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