I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.