He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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