Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
