The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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