I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
