I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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