exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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