The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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