I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
