and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
