I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
