all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
