my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
