Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
