you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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