All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
