she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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