new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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