She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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