Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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