Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
