cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
