I molested 6 butterflies tonight
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
