Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
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I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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