you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
