I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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