Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize