I just pynch a tree in the face
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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