its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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