don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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